Independence
In a recent Mel Robbins podcast, the guest- a neurosurgeon explained the science behind manifestation. In one segment, he suggested whatever word comes to mind when we think of our childhood is what we manifest.
When I thought of what he said, only memories of my childhood and youth came to mind: festive Christmases, summer cookouts, Saturday mornings working in the yard, a house filled with music, and family reunion cookouts. But these were memories, not words.
Eventually, the word came to me: independence.
My siblings and I learned how to do for ourselves at an early age. For example, I learned how to cook by starting dinner before my parents came home from work. I was a latchkey kid; this was common for children of the 1970s. My siblings and I had other responsibilities including cleaning bathrooms, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, polishing furniture, vacuuming, washing dishes, making our beds, and other tasks.
We lived in the same community with our aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and my parents' friends. We lived blocks from our church, where members were like an extended family. This community was my school of life. It was comfortable and familiar. Soon, I would leave the community and learn to navigate the world on my own.
In my 20s and 30s, I tried to be independent. I found jobs, sought higher education, saved for and purchased my first car, moved into my first apartments in my 20s, and advanced my hospitality career. When I needed help, I could count on one hand the family or friends I asked. My parents were alway there for me but, I rarely asked them for help because I wanted them to see me as independent.
My parents worked hard all their lives for what they had. As I grew up, I picked up that philosophy.
If you need a job, check the want ads or ask around. If you need a ride, call Metro. If you need a car, work, save your money, and buy it. These are some of the narratives that are still inside of me.
In my early thirties, anxiety and depression disrupted my life, likely due to that drive to be independent. Therapy taught me to trust and ask for help. I learned quickly which of my friends were dependable and who were not.
Seeking to be independent protected me from being disappointed in people I hoped I could rely on. Eventually, I knew I needed to unlearn that habit.
I've come to appreciate that the lessons I learned as a child continue to guide me. There are milestones, like buying your first car with your own savings, which feel particularly special when achieved on your own. Other significant accomplishments—such as earning a degree, starting a family, or launching a business—often thrive with a supportive community.
I've learned that facing life's challenges alone can be overwhelming. That's why I'm opening myself up to greater support, trusting that God will surround me with exactly the people and resources I need on my journey.
Click below to listen to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
