Hair
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Hair
Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t know someone saw something and once you saw what they saw, you were like, “OH MY GOD!”
OR
Was there ever a time there was something you hated about yourself and you always tried to cover it up? Yet the more you tried to cover it, the more eyes were drawn to it?
I recall one day like that. I was on the golf course with my two buddies. I teed up about to drive on one of the holes and she said, “When did you get that shiny spot on top of your head?”
That shinny spot had been there for a while. I noticed it in the late 90’s when I was rocking a Halle Berry bob. Most black women in their 20’s around that time know what I’m talking about. They know the shaven nape which grew to the stack cut that blossomed into a full, fluffy bob in the front. I kept it tight by going to the salon every two weeks. When my hairdresser saw the spot, she thought it was temporary and that it would fill in later. After the fill-in never happened, I went to see a dermatologist.
The first doctor I saw treated me for alopecia for a year with little to no results. Later, I was referred to a dermatologist who specialized in hair loss. She took more time and conducted in depth testing on my initial visit. Her diagnosis was male patterned baldness. Somehow, hearing that diagnosis made me feel better, I was confident in her findings and able to move forward. She suggested taking biotin and using hair thickening products, but the loss was inevitable.
Since I thought the loss may have been due to chemical relaxers, I did what black women call “the big chop.” I cut off my hair. After cutting my hair low with all the relaxed part out, I oiled and gelled my hair and just brushed it. I learned there were many textures on my head that I had to work with, but I loved the freedom.
I’m sure my contribution to the black hair care industry is probably equal to someone’s yearly mortgage payment. The challenge always seemed to be making sure my femininity showed through and that I didn’t look too manly with short hair. So, styling properly, lipstick and earrings became important accessories in my life.
I know I am not my hair, as India Irie reminds us in her hit by the same title. Yet time dedicated to making my crown look good may seem to some as a priority. As years go by, I feel the baldness has grown in a wider area and it can feel terrifying. When I hear people I encounter say, “Your hair looks so nice!” I think to myself, “please don’t look too hard at the back.” In all honesty, the disregard for wigs and extensions I’ve had in the past has been haunting me. What I once saw as an option for a woman who is lazy or fake is not a potential accessory for me.
Some of us in the black community have decided who is true to self and who is fake based on a hairstyle. A portion of this debate includes the economics of the black hair/black hair care industry and who is benefiting from it. That is a different subject all together.
1. Let’s just stop! – Starting with me, let’s stop bashing who has decided to wear a weave and who has decided to wear a natural, both of which need care to maintain. The versatility we have with our crowns are part of the beauty of that Black Girl Magic. Many women in my life who I consider friends and mentors have hair that accessorize what they were born with. So, let’s remember we are blessed to have new friends coming into our circles, having natural hair doesn’t make one more “down” than the sister who has a sewn in weave. Who cares, who cares what their crown looks like? let’s just make sure it’s on straight without making a fuss.
2. Confidence is #1 – So many of us woman do not see the power of possibility in us and confidence escapes us. Sometimes the hardest thing we can do in this life is show up. Get up, get dressed and cute, get your face on and go out into the world. Whether we like it or not, we are judged based on first impressions, which most of the time is our visual self. This I find true for many, but a fact for myself: when we look good, we feel good about who we are. When we feel good, that confidence kicks in and we step lighter, we smile more and people want to be in our space to be enveloped by the energy we have. So, if having additional hair gives someone confidence to be who she needs to be in the world, what business of mine is it?
3. The next generation is watching- As I mature, I am aware the next generation is watching. They are experiencing more life issues than I’ve had to contend with. Hair decisions and what is acceptable by people should not be at the top of their list. How I react to another woman’s choice of hair and what I accept as my choice is being remembered and downloaded in our youth’s lexicon.
