I Suffered From Anxiety Disorder
I suffered from Anxiety disorder
I was sure I was going to die and take out 10 people with me.
My heart was racing and felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. My palms were sweaty.
“Get in the far right lane and less damage will be done,” I told myself as I drove on interstate 71 on my
way to work. “My family will be devastated! it will be all over the news about all the people that will
die.” Then my thoughts shifted to, “Will they know who to call about my insurance? I’m scared.”
The thoughts continued with no break in between. “This is it! I will die of a heart attack at 31.
I hate that my family will have to go through this. Mom won’t survive!”
As I rolled down my window I gasped for air; I felt like I was suffocating. I pulled over to get out of the
traffic and sat. I kept talking to myself, “I must get to work. I can’t be late! I’ll call. I’ll creep back in traffic
and get off at the first exit and park in the White Castle parking lot and call work.”
This is me experiencing a panic attack. As you see, my brain has a talent for making doom and tragedy
immanent. I experienced many of these attacks before I hit a wall and got help.
In my early thirties, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and mild depression. WedMD describes
anxiety disorder as a group of mental illnesses that cause constant and overwhelming anxiety and fear.
The excessive anxiety can make you avoid work, school, family get-togethers, and other social situations
that might trigger or worsen your symptoms. It was a trip.
I spent over a year in therapy; my doctor was wonderful. Our sessions together were work. We
discussed my past, who I was or thought I was, my relationships with my parents, alcohol abuse, etc. We
talked about everything HONESTLY. I also learned coping skills to help we when I have attacks.
I have accepted that anxiety disorder and/or depression may be a part of my life forever. When my
mother was ill, that season triggered anxiety attacks at night while trying to sleep. I was exhausted.
Recognizing the symptoms and getting help all those years ago was the best thing I did.
Many suffer from mental illness in silence for various reasons. If you are suffering from some form of
mental illness, you are not alone.
1. Get help – As soon as you feel symptoms like I described above or notice changes in your
appetite, sleep pattern, or interest in life, seek professional help. You can contact your primary
care physician for help. If your employer has an Employee Assistant Program use it. You can also
contact the National Alliance of Mental Disorders and they can direct you to help in your city.
Just a note, if I doctor only prescribes medication for you consider this – Medication alongside
psychotherapy has been proven to have superior results to medication alone.
2. Do I tell anyone? - I was warned by my therapist to resist sharing your treatment experience
with everyone. As I was feeling good, I wanted to share my story, particularly with young
professional women like me in my church. One woman identified with me. I was able to provide
a safe space for her to share and to receive encouragement to seek help. There were also cases
where people told me all I needed was prayer not therapy. Those folks frustrated me, and I
didn’t need any frustration. I believe you will know when to share your story and with whom.
3. You are okay – You are a beloved child of God, and nothing is wrong with you. As many of us
suffer from diabetes, heart disease, or a knee, or shoulder injury, we receive treatment for
those ailments to make us whole. Mental illness is no different. With the right professional, you
can get the right treatment to live as the healthy and whole person God intended for you to be.
You do not have to suffer alone. There is help available. See the links below for more information.
