Living as Part of a Blended Family
Living as Part of a Blended Family
I am a part of a blended family. A blended family is defined as, “a family that includes children of a previous marriage of one spouse or both.” This was my first marriage and my husband’s second. From his first union he had two daughters.
I thought it would not be a big deal. I will show them love and respect and remind them I am not trying to replace their mother. Initially, they were not receptive. I could tell they loved their Dad and felt they wanted to make sure their space with him was protected. There was a sense they needed to check me out first.
My husband had been divorced for years. During that time, he was a constant presence in his daughters’ lives. Even when he was appointed to a church in Omaha, Nebraska, he remained committed to driving to Ohio Christmas Eve to be there when they woke up on Christmas morning. Afterwards he drove them to complete their Christmas break in South Carolina with his parents and other family members.
I didn’t know what I was getting into when marrying a divorcee with children and how to find my place in that mix. As I have grown in relationship with my daughters, I’ve learned and continue to learn as I stay on this journey with my blended family.
1. Pray Always –Sometimes navigating situations can get messy: agreeing on how long to cover insurance for a college graduate, how often to spend time with grandkids, what is the correct discipline. It can get challenging. Playing the wife card never works. I cannot always have my way. My way may not always be the right way. Divine guidance is the key. I always pray for wisdom when making decisions and for love on my tongue when discussions challenge.
2. Be comfortable being silent – Sometimes I feel outnumbered or that my feelings fall on deaf ears. There was a time I made sure to remind people who I am. I learned that is not always necessary. Trust that your presence is felt in that space. I had to trust my husband to have my back. We must give our spouses time to make decisions with us in mind before we push the gas pedal to be vocal about who we are. A big bark sometimes has little effect.
3. You are not replacing anyone – I was sensitive to what these young ladies may have thought my marriage to their Dad may mean for them. I didn’t want them to see me as a replacement but as someone added to their lives to give them love. Their Dad has been divorced for many years, yet they had not seen their Dad in a committed relationship. This was a new experience for them to get used to. I just allowed them to get to know me and let them see I loved their Dad and had love enough for them too.
4. Begin with love – Becoming a stepmother, I was ready to share love, traditions, many things my mother shared with me. That is how I show genuine love and care, nothing fake. I thought that was the best approach. Love never fails.
