I often hear people talk about God “Testing” them. For me, I see God as a place of refuge when all seems to be crumbling around me. I call on him for help and guidance. Without it, moving on my own terms and wisdom may cause more harm to my situation.

I saw an Instagram reel of Octavia Butler speaking on the topic of writing. The late science fiction author was sharing in an interview, her view on inspired writing. She said, "You will not always be inspired, but write anyway because keeping the habit of writing will bring inspiration."

As each woman held up her hand-sewn quilt and shared their stories, I saw the gleam in their eye and pride in each piece of art and history. Listening to these stories, I imagined women in the community sewing quilts together at a table or outside in their yards – as was the tradition.

A quilt has become a piece of history, handed down from generation to generation, yet the craft of quilting has faded.

In our most recent move, there was furniture we knew wouldn’t fit in our new residence. Gratefully we were able to donate those items to a non-profit organization name CRIS that helps immigrants in Central Ohio get settled in their new home state. One item we donated was a sectional, the centerpiece in the finished basement of one of our homes. It was great for movie nights with our kids and grandkids.

As an adult - 53 years old - I want to let you know something. None of what you are experiencing now will matter in the future.  I know there is a lot of pain.  Some connected to hormones, but some come from other drama we go through every day.  No worries. Life gets better.

Let me give you a little run down.

Returning home from my first ever line dancing class, I was exhausted. After two hours of dancing, I stole an hourlong unplanned nap on my couch. I woke up happy and excited.

On my social media, I shared my location at an athletic center and friends assumed I was talking a Zumba class or weight training. Later, I revealed it was line dancing.

I ate more than I should have. When I finished my meal, I climbed the steps slowly to my bedroom, stretched across my bed, and dozed off. I woke from my hour-long nap mad; I hadn’t planned to sleep an entire hour!! Then I realized I had nothing to do. No place to be. Suddenly, a craving for a creamy soup with garlic buttered toast came over me.

While working with a colleague, I shared with her a short story idea I had. It was a Christmas story. As she listened to me tell her about my idea, she began typing on her laptop. “What is the main character’s favorite cocktail?” “Is the main character a male or female?” “Does he have facial hair?” Etc. These are just a few of the questions I answered as she typed my answers in an AI, artificial intelligence application. Never looking up, she completed the questionnaire, hit enter, and read a flowery, narrative infused with all the information I gave her into a story. I was intrigued and surprised.

In November I celebrated 53 trips around the sun. I can’t believe it! I can still remember my 22nd birthday and the United Colors of Benneton skirt I wore to the club. (HOT!)

This year, I celebrated throughout the month with good food, drinks, and laughs. Along with celebrating my birthday this year, I also celebrated starting a new chapter in South Carolina.

This year, I learned the gift of presence is a wonderful gift. What do I mean by that? With all the cards, presents and gift cards I received, the time spent celebrating with family and friends topped it all.

During Advent this year, my life has been chaotic. For three weeks I have been focused on completing work projects, doing last minute packing, updating necessary paperwork, and saying goodbye to friends. This has made me anxious, excited, sad, happy and every emotion in between

I grew up watching my mother’s housekeeping habits; how she cared for a home with six children and a husband. When we were old enough, we were given cleaning responsibilities; dusting and polishing furniture, vacuuming the carpet, “turning” dirty clothes to be laundered in addition to yard work; we did it all.

I was hoping this day would be the perfect autumn to enjoy my last few weeks in Columbus before moving to a place that may not display fall the same way. I was anxious. “I want autumn vibes and I want it now”, I thought.

This chapter of my life with friends was closing. I feared the change in this relationship and others I had created. I didn’t want them to become lame social media connections.

I wasn’t ashamed of my emotions; it meant I had developed meaningful bonds with people I had connected with since moving here in 2015. I had met women and men who saw me for who I was and not who I was married to.

A few weeks ago, I was introduced to the Daily Examen while attending a worship service. The service focused on prayer, silence, and the Daily Examen, a five-step process to awaken our awareness of God in our lives while reflecting on the last 24 hours.

On March 24, my brain began to create a plan of transition and I wrote down all pros and cons for me to look at and consider. While absorbing the lists, a signal was sent to my brain to create a timeline. That plan also included the possibility of my husband and I living separately for six months.