The Capacity to Forgive
The Capacity to Forgive
In the late 1930’s-1940’s, a young boy was raised by his maternal grandparents in a rural town.
When he was born, the boy’s parents split, moved to separate cities, and started new lives without their son for reasons unknown. The boy was left to be raised alongside his uncles like their brother.
Life was tough. His grandfather was strict, and he had to work in the field tending tobacco and possibly other crops. He went to school, may have gotten in a bit of trouble, but nothing too serious.
His mother and her new husband came to visit, but never took him with them when they left. Each visit ended with a promise of going with them the next time. Each time, there was, a “next time” promise and yet he remained.
The boy grew up, went to school, and eventually joined the Navy. He reconnected with his mother and his stepfather. In the late 1950’s he married and soon started a family.
Years went by. One day the young man got a letter. It was news that his father had suffered a heart attack and the sender urged him to go see about him.
Only armed with the knowledge of the city he was going to, the man set out to see about the father he had not seen in almost twenty years. Remember, this is pre- internet and cellphones. When he arrived, he asked around to see if anyone knew his father. He didn’t have luck until he went to a fire station. They gave him a phone book to look up his father’s name. The story goes that there were three listings with the exact name he was looking for. He finally got to the right house. Father and son met face to face. It is recalled as a reunion of two people never seen before, and not to be seen again. They both embraced and cried without much being said.
This was the beginning of a relationship not only between father and son. The family circle grew.
This was an act of forgiveness.
Having the privilege of being raised by and having both parents in my life, I can only imagine the feeling of not being with either my mother or father. Always left behind, feeling unworthy, sad, confused, angry, and so much more.
If those emotions were felt by the son, they were not around when they embraced after twenty years.
The man had the capacity to forgive. It makes me wonder: Do we all have it in us to forgive but have to choose to act on it?
I like to blame my zodiac sign Scorpio, for my ability to hold grudges. Sometimes I act like it’s a badge. But for what? My faith has taught me that forgiveness is not about the other person, but about me.
Forgiveness is freedom. Freedom to live in peace. I can’t change the wrong someone has done to me, and I can’t make them apologize for it. I think having no expectations of an apology is a gateway to forgiveness.
Although I don’t know for sure, I believe the man understood for his sake and the soul of the little boy still inside of him, he needed to forgive his father. I believe he wanted to move to a life with a full family.
That man who was raised by his grandparents was my father. Since his passing, I talk more and more about the lessons he taught me. But maybe the greatest lesson he taught me was that I have in me the capacity to forgive.
